Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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