Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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