Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
