Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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