i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
