I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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