I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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