It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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