Can Purell be used as lube?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
