My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
