I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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