It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
