Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
