Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
