Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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