1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
