I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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