i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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