dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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