he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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