so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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