i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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