are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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