Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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