Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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