I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
