Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pants are for mortals
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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