I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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