My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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