Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
