Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize