I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
