Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
