Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
