dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
