actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
