I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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