Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
