What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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