I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
