Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
