I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
