got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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