I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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