I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
