a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"