3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.