how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
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