I wish I could teleport
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
