i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?