you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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