Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.