Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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