he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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