I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
