Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My balls are so social today.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's paint friendship bongs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
