The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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