worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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