Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
