Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
FUCK WHALES
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
