Already got asked if we're dating
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
