Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
