my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
