her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
