She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He passed out mid-signature
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
