I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
