I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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