how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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