I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
