the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
