Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
