I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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