No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
