The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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