She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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