i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
