so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
