Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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