I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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