I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
