He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I did not marry a roomba.
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