I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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