i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
