I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
