whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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