That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
