I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
