in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
