I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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